I've seen this in a few different fandoms and it's confused me every time, why do some writers think that sex will cause a person to speak another language even if they don't speak that language?

Example: Giovani has an Italian name, his grandparents came to the US from Italy, he wears Itlaian suits, he loves Italian food, he says "Ciao" and calls his girlfriend "bella". [He probably speaks a bit of converational Italian, has some food related language and knows some terms of endearment.]

How does that translate to him lapsing into Italian whenever he's in bed with someone? I understand he's extra sexy when he speaks Italian but the dude speaks English (not Italian); he's fluent in English (not Italian); he thinks in English (not Italian).

Now this of course varies by character but I've seen it even when canon out right says that someone doesn't speak their ancestral language. [Even in canons that have a running joke about how poorly the character speaks when they try.]

Pills for dinner? What are we, Judy Garland?

Stop taking it ooc'ly when my character snorts at your bat-eared Death knight, your elf who got pregnant from a Death knight (Again. How would she even know she was pregnant?) and aborted it...A few days later (Like she did the last time. Good luck being aware there's a dinky little zygote inside of you) and your Death knight who used to be some demon-wat guard-killing wannabe-serial killer maniac who appears to be in a different dimension where guards don't exist (Maybe he does that phase shift thing imps love so much) and whoever else I forgot. (Run on sentence fail)

Yes, I think your Rp sucks pickled kodo feet, but its not ooc when my character (Who's a warlock, i.e not a nice person to begin with) laughs at yours, declares they must be lying/tacked on ears for attention/stole a baby for attention and claimed to pop it out on the same day it was conceived. She's mean and a petty sadist, and picking on the people dumber then she is makes her feel smarter. Yes Mr. Demon, I have pointed out you've been doin' it wrong before in a non-meany way ("Attacking guards is bad, Silvermoon is pretty strict ic" "YOU'RE IGNORED YOU'RE A NOOB"), but when my character recognizes the familiar face of an idiot and makes some mean comment its not because I'm trying to run you out of the inn or whatever.

Happy Christmas gaiz.

I know this is totally YMMV, because people keep writing it, but what the hell.

It's been said here before regarding dialect accents: Don't write them out. Write accurate phrasing, yes, absolutely. If a word is completely different — ach, perhaps — that's fine, but take it easy and lay off the apostrophes. I can figure out that Rose's pronunciation is closer to sumfink than something, but it takes me at least twice as long to read and translate her dialogue if it's rendered quasi-phonetically, and that makes me annoyed, which makes me like your fic far less. I shouldn't need to pause every time Carson Beckett speaks to read his words aloud three times at an attempt to figure out what he's supposed to be saying. I know the fandom; I can manage to remember that they don't have RP or Broadcast American accents and adjust accordingly.

We've been there, we've ranted that.

But the one particular "dialect" rendering that will make me flail so hard for the back button that I'm accidentally emailing China?

Small children.

Small children mangle words. I get that. I even get that some people find it cute. I found it cute when my friend's toddler gave us lello for yellow and something I can neither remember nor render (but consistent) for helicopter. People can end up with special names because of this process — see Beezus Quimby, or one particularly crackish explanation for how Rodney McKay might once have been called "Marty" by his sister. But when the point isn't to explain a particular special name or make the kid unintelligible, writing in that alternate pronunciation is really annoying, at least to some of us. I don't need to see "Unca Wodney", for example, to understand that a small child might not have mastered the consonantal clusters or unusual 'r' of modern American English. I really, really don't. That doesn't give me a warm glow of affection; it gives me the burn of saccharine overdose indigestion.

I get that some people like it or don't care. I get that the writer wants the reader to go awwww. Just know that there are some readers who will instead be going "... ewwww" and downgrading what may be an otherwise acceptable or even good fic.

how I name my characters is my choice alone, my choice. I have given the issue much thought, and contrary to you I happen to know the whole story so whether I have aptly/cleverly named them or not is not for you to say. At all.

So stop the eff bitching about my "artistic wrongdoings" and stop demanding I swap names around (*) because they "just don't fit that way" and while we're at it, stop giving me "plot advice", too. And really, stop mailing me letter after letter each other chapter I post. Or even better, get the hell off my back. SHOO! GO AWAIII!

*breathes*

//
Sorry. Just had to vent at the annoying brat. I'll go now formulate a less angry yet very short answer.
(*) for the record: I have a prophet spilling prophecies in the story. His name is Logan. I also have his best friend being supportive. His name is Eli. And yes, there's a reason for those names. *g*

You know what? Most normal people don't break up with the boyfriend/step-brother who they're supposedly in love with out of the blue one night because 'I want to find out if I'm really bisexual. Even though I broke up with my girlfriend for you, a man'.

Ok so maybe one in a thousand people would do that. But one would not then start to fall for another man after speaking to him for merely 2 minutes 24 HOURS AFTER BREAKING UP WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND/STEP-BROTHER WHO YOU ARE APPARENTLY STILL IN LOVE WITH! THE DUDE YOU'RE FALLING FOR SPECIFICALLY BEING SOMEONE WHO YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND/STEP-BROTHER WAS HITTING ON ONLY MOMENTS BEFORE!

And just to add insult to injury, one does not usually get down right indignant when the person YOU broke up with gets a little bit cranky when you're flirting with the person THEY WERE TRYING TO USE AS A DRUNKEN REBOUND FUCK!

Ex-boyfriends/step-brothers do not then go falling into into the arms of their sometimes cruel, over controlling ex months later just because he fucks you and then suddenly confesses that he's been pining over you all these months but for some reason decided not to tell you. But it's ok because the whole time he loved you and let's just pretend it never happened.

And let's not repeat the process another time a year down the line. And then 3 years later. Because really, WHAT KIND OF STORY IS THIS?!

Hey, you.

I know Hugh Jackman plays Wolverine (and a very sexy one at that) but you do know Hugh Jack isn't Canadian. Right?

RIGHT?

I guess not, since you gave him Wolverine's accent. In RPS fic. Which is really sad, because I can rarely understand that. Wolvie's accent, that is.

Hugh's speech patterns allow him to say "mate" (which he has said, and sounds so cute when he says it) among other Australian slang, because he's Australian! NOT CANADIAN.

I'm honestly getting sick of ranting about this. I'm reading rps for the LACK of accent stuff.

And James Marsden? I doubt he's stuffy like Scott Summers. What, are you going to tell me next, he's TV personality trying to end racial segregation? OH WAIT, THAT'S CORNY COLLINS. SOMEONE HE'S PLAYED, NOT WHO HE IS.

I will admit to thinking he's a little like Corny, but he's not. You know. Corny. Just saying.

And you. The last time, I sort of ignored you with a simple reply of I like what I like what I like. Now I'm annoyed. I honestly wish you'd stop telling me I'm wasting my time writing mpreg, when I could be doing something more creative. Who the fuck do you think you are? Quit reading my stuff if you have a problem with it!

The admins will be giving you a written warning. I'm not the only author you've told to write what you like. Trust me, even though I've been out of the fandom for a year, there's plenty of what you like if you'd freaking look for it.

I just noticed this when I was checking my iPod's free space:


What is that small slightly-darker-blue portion just to the left of the purple portion? It's not mentioned in the legend.

My friend unobsolete  gave me permission to post this from her journal:

~~~

There is no story at all, you can't even call this a one shot it's just like a bunch of separate combersations that dosent tell a story at all.

Thank you, dear reviewer, for showing me that you have no idea what a drabble is. And thank you for missing the point.

~~~

She said the reviewer in question is an ESL, but still! Review fail. -_-

Dear Princess and the Frog fandom,

"Y'all" is plural, as in "you all." It is not singular.

Please and thank you,
Me

And remember I can take control of your subconscious anytime I want!

I'm delighted you wrote this fic, don't get me wrong—there aren't nearly enough fics crossing these two canons, and this one's pretty good. Couple major problems, though:

Canon one is a police procedural, and canon two's lead characters are on the run from the law over a lot of incidents law enforcement knows about and a great many more that to our knowledge law enforcement hasn't connected with these characters. Canon two's leads are also not stupid. So when canon one's leads bust canon two's leads, the last thing canon two's leads will be doing is talking about anything they've done that there's any chance they might not yet have been connected to.

This fic is set at the point in canon two's timeline when the leads are out of contact. There's nothing connecting lead A with lead B except their numbers in each other's phones. So how the hell has the FBI found lead B, several states away from lead A, within days of lead A being arrested?

And another fic entirely: if you find a paper with a phone number and you want to find out who the number belongs to, you call the number. Or there's probably a phone directory somewhere sorted by numerical order rather than name or address, but it'd really be easier to call the number. Finding out what locale the area code belongs to and asking if anyone can identify the picture of the individual who had the paper with the phone number is a rather less reliable way of identifying either the individual who had the paper or the individual who owns the phone number.

Dear Dude,

I sympathize, I really do. We all have that character - the one we really love, but keep stashed away in storage. Maybe it's our first character ever, maybe it's just a setting we would like to push the boundaries on - either way it's something we recognize as a bit on the overpowered, Mary Sue side of things. We all have that character, and it's sad that due to circumstances you can't always play them. I wish the world was perfect and I could just show people my I'm A Good RPer I Promise badge and then get to play whatever the hell I wanted, without fear of things going pear-shaped, without people having bad memories of very bad roleplayers doing the same thing and doing it very badly.

I've been there, so when I try to give you a sympathetic shoulder to cry on, don't scream at me that I ~*just don't understand*~. It happens to all of us. Nobody really wants to hear my tales about how my WoW character's entire storyline was wholesale ignored, or how I kept getting shortchanged by bad mods in Harry Potter games who took back their word and let me high and dry.

The moderator is a decent guy. Yes, it sucks that he heard out your plans for your character's backstory/main story and agreed and has now just brought up the issue of these powers in this rp to the rest of the board, taking a democratic sort of manner about it. But he isn't leaving you completely stranded. He's understanding and has promised you that if the majority of players veto these special powers for PCs in this game, he will help you to manage your backstory and find a way to make it work.

Throwing a shitfit does not make me want to agree with you. I was completely neutral on the topic until you got irrationally angry and started taking it out on everyone else. You know who acts like that? Bad roleplayers who are angry their Mary Sue pet got taken away, not good ones. Now you've pressed the subject and just about created a civil war on the site because of it.

Sometimes, it is better to just let something drop, or say "Okay, I'll trust the vote, but here is my idea for everyone to look at", or, you know, BE CALM, instead of pressing it and getting angrier and angrier and making a hostile OOC environment.

As it is, you've effectively made me want to vote against your measure because you flipped out so bad. It was a thoroughly unhealthy level of flipping the fuck out that makes the worst posts on here look even-tempered. 5 stages of grief, my ass. If you are THAT involved in a concept in the RP, I don't want it - or you - around with those irrational, unhealthy thoughts.

Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up,
Sincerely yours,
Me